When men are asked how many children they have, often with jest they say "That I know of?" and everybody burst out laughing.
In a country like South Africa it is endemic and far from comedic, in fact, it is a tragedy.
I wonder what percentage of men can state, with certainty, how many biological children they have.
Women in South Africa are often told to stop having children with men who have children with multiple women.
This was posted on my group and it is not an unusual post.
"The father of my two children said he is going to resign from work because he is unable to afford all his expenses as he has to share his salary with lots of people. He received a summons from a few other baby mamas."
‼️ A woman can't stop her partner or the father of her children from having unprotected sex with other women.
A woman has no control over her partner's or ex-partner's sexual behaviour and men don't truthfully disclose how many 'potential' children or exactly how many biological children they have. Women often only find out years later by chance or through financial assistance requests/demands from the mother. A woman can give a child up for adoption and a new partner will probably never know unless she discloses or the child looks for their biological parents. There is no financial obligation and impact though. Both men and women have a right to disclose or not, the difference is the financial impact. If men are in a relationship or married they should disclose if they are financially contributing to another child as it impacts on their joint income.
Men avoid their financial responsibility towards children they co-created when they are no longer in a relationship whereas women have to provide irrespective of their financial standing or situation. They can't just disappear or resign as the poster shared of the father of her children.
More men dispute paternity because they are not sure where they have planted their seeds as opposed to women not being sure who planted the seed. Paternity should be established but the way it is conducted in our courts casts aspersions on women's sexual behaviour. Nobody knows how many times a man has been taken to court where paternity is in dispute and society does not really seem to care. In some cultures, it is a sign of virility, a sign of manhood.
Women are blamed for having children with irresponsible men. Women don't always choose irresponsible men, they find out afterward that he is irresponsible. If I knew then what I know now I might not have had five children. Not wanting to wear a condom is a sign of irresponsibility but if a woman refuses to have unprotected sex in the moment, she could be raped. If she was she is unlikely to report it as her behaviour would come under extreme scrutiny. She might have consented and at that point, if she declines, she withdraws consent. Consent is not widely understood.
Many wives or partners stay with their man who fathers a child outside their relationship, how many men would stay if their partner was carrying another man's child, my guess is 000,01%
Absolutely, more women should be responsible for their reproductive health and not have children or more children, that's assuming of course that there is always a balance of power - no coercion, no control, and no rape.
Access to prevention should be more accessible to ALL women, sadly the more impoverished and rural areas do not provide adequate access to female contraceptives yet condoms are freely available with ease, and no prescription is required yet men are not using them.
Education, yes there is a lot more education that can and should happen, in the home and socially about reproductive rights and health.
Affordability is often cited as a criterion but in a country with such high levels of abuse, unemployment, and poverty there will always be financial challenges for women having and raising children.
Women might have been financially secure, independent, or in a relationship but that can all change overnight due to divorce, illness, retrenchment, death, separation, or some other tragedy, and end up financially compromised.
A committed relationship or marriage is another criterion cited, no relationship is guaranteed to last forever sadly no matter how good one's intentions are.
Don't have children with different fathers! often referring to single mothers yet many women have been married to different fathers, how is it different? I have children from two marriages I am no different from a single mother. There are no guarantees you won't end up divorced, two-thirds of marriages end up in divorce.
Women are blamed for trying to trap men by having babies, sure coercion could happen in multiple forms BUT men are in control of their sexual reproduction, how many children they have and with whom.
Women mostly take responsibility for the consequences of their reproductive behaviour and raise their children. Women know how many children they have.
It's not rocket science, a child is the result of unprotected sex.
If you are a male and a child is a consequence of unprotected sex you will pay for many years or your parents will pay. That's the law don't blame women, men must take responsibility for the outcomes of their sexual behaviour.
If you are a woman and have unprotected sex you have a great chance of falling pregnant. Women can abort or go ahead with the pregnancy. If women go through with the pregnancy they must be prepared to 'fight' for child support as most men don't voluntarily pay.
When women become mothers, unplanned, planned, married, or single they are at risk of possibly raising their children with little or no financial and physical support irrespective of their race, class, religion, culture, or socioeconomics.
Sexual health includes STDs but is not focused on in this post.
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