We need to start understanding coercive control through the feminist lens when relationships and marriages end. There are distinct gendered behaviours, responses and impacts. The most difficult is documenting the covert forms of abuse and then being able to compile it into admissible evidence.
Coercive control refers to a pattern of controlling behaviors that create an unequal power dynamic in a relationship. These behaviors give the perpetrator power over the victim.
I have been researching and studying coercive control in domestic relationships for a few years now and there are distinctive patterns. The behaviour is textbook yet it is largely ignored by lawyers, judges, magistrates, prosecutors, Family Advocates Office, social workers, mediators, and other auxiliary workers.
Coercive Control has been included in the amended South African Domestic Violence Act 116 of 1998 as of April 2023.
We are 8 months in and there have been no coercive control prosecutions yet, I am not aware of any training or who will do the training as we do not have any experts that I am aware of other than myself, this can't become another piece of legislation that is on paper and never used to hold perpetrators accountable like Economic Abuse. We have no stats and I was only able to find one case and this case proves the biases and prejudices towards women
Case: K v S (A96/2014) A Judgment delivered by Judge J. Lekale after a father appealed being found guilty of not paying child maintenance Section 31(1) and sentenced to twelve months imprisonment in terms of Section 276(1) (i) of the Criminal Procedure Act 51 of 1977. The magistrate in her ruling noted the arrogant manner in which he failed to pay maintenance whilst he had the funds to do so, in addition the magistrate found him guilty of Economic Abuse (the unreasonable deprivation of economic or financial resources to which the complainant was entitled to under law) under the Domestic Violence Act no 116 of 1998,
"It was the trial court’s view that the appellant wanted to punish the complainant by subjecting her to a form of domestic violence regard being had to the degrading and humiliating path she had to walk in order to hold the appellant responsible, the financial position the appellant was in and the arrogant way in which he held the court orders in contempt. The court below felt that it was important not only to rehabilitate the appellant as an individual, but also to send out a strong message to other people engaged in the commission of similar crimes."
This should be standard for maintenance defaulters or ex partners who withhold money that the victim is legally entitled to be it from assets, pensions or investments, even the purposeful delay is abusive and causes irreparable harm. The magistrate got it, the magistrate understood not only the financial impacts but the emotional impacts in turning to the courts for protection.
The male judge said this in his ruling "I am persuaded by the facts in this matter that the trial court failed to strike a healthy balance between the crime, the criminal and the interests of society insofar as she appears to have overemphasised the gravity of the offence at the expense of the community and the appellant when she effectively lost sight of the interests of the relevant children, who stand to continue to be deprived of regular monthly maintenance if the accused goes to prison. In this regard Mr H correctly conceded that the fact that the appellant stands to lose his employment and income if he goes to jail is a very important factor to take into consideration in the determination of the appeal in the instant matter."
The focus shifted, the judge made the victim appear to be the perpetrator and the perpetrator the victim and the Magistrate essentially biased, he used the words 'healthy balance' . THIS IS HOW THE COURTS HAVE BEEN WEAPONISED AGAINST WOMEN.
The absolute power-obsessed perpetrators CHOSE to harm their victims in various ways, money is a tool as are children, sex, and employment.
In domestic situations here are some examples of the controlling behaviour and how money and children are used as tools:
Access to money is immediately cut off when the relationship ends. The mother then has to beg for money at the risk of being verbally abused and threatened.
They demand the partner gets a job even though the mother is prejudiced due to being a "stay at home parent" gap in her career/CV, not employable due to lack of references or skills lag whilst he builds his career.
Not paying child and spousal maintenance because there is no court order in place - they say, " Speak to my lawyer". The bullying by proxy becomes unbearable and women feel intimidated because they are underrepresented.
They draw litigation out - divorce settlements, co-parenting and maintenance agreements. Many women initially borrow money to pay a lawyer thinking it will soon be resolved but it seldom is. Often they have spent thousands and not seen the inside of courtroom.
They use joint assets to fund lawyers to out-litigate the estranged or ex-wife. They know if they draw it out long enough the ex will run out of finances.
They hide assets in trusts, companies, new partner's accounts and other family members names. This is often done on the advice of their lawyer. This makes their lawyers complicit in the abuse.
Women eventually are so exhausted they settle for a fraction of what they are legally entitled to so that the litigation (abuse by proxy) can stop.
They demand 50/50 split on most expenses despite the income inequality - this has a huge financial impact on mothers as they are unable to build wealth as their income is inadequate to cover month-to-month expenses while the perpetrator builds wealth.
They stop paying maintenance claiming unemployment yet they are self-employed, not unemployed, and getting paid in cash so there is no record of income. Despite being "unemployed" they manage to pay bonds/rent, eat, pay for vehicles, go on holidays, and entertain new partners.
They stop seeing their children and blame the mother for making it difficult. Often the truth is that they have a new relationship or the mother starts standing up for herself or starts holding him accountable.
They stop paying child support because they are being "denied" access yet they stopped seeing the children by choice.
Perpetrators demand sex from their ex, the mother of their children, in exchange for child support.
When they are taken to maintenance court they accuse the mother of "parent alienation". They stopped seeing their children by choice!!
Parent alienation allegations are known tactics, there is copious amounts of research on this. The perpetrator is believed without any evidence because men are believed and women are not. The focus is now on the mother and her behaviour and not on the perpetrator's behaviour.
Perpetrators demand primary care because the mother is "unable" to care (provide) for the children. The perpetrator pays no support or minimal which impacts on the other's ability to provide properly.
They stop paying child support because the mother upset them.
When child support is late and the mother asks when the money will be paid the perpetrator gets a protection order for harassment. This prevents the mother from asking and then her only option is to approach the courts.
They pay child support late which affects the mother's credit score because her debit orders bounce or she pays her bills and debt late. The perpetrator goes unpunished, his credit rating is unblemished despite causing severe financial harm to the mother.
When served with a notice to appear in maintenance court, they threaten the mother they will, resign, claim unemployment or kill them.
When the mother threatens to approach the court for a maintenance order he sends money and says he will continue to as long as she does not go to court. This agreement normally only lasts a few months.
When they appear in court they demand DNA tests irrespective of whether they were in long-term or short-term relationships or even married. Besides being a delay tactic it casts aspersions on the mother's sexual behaviour and character. This is often the first time doubt of paternity is raised.
Coercive controlling behaviour is about power at all costs, IT IS THEIR WAY or beware of retribution. If you are compliant and obedient you will be rewarded if not YOU WILL BE PUNISHED.
DARVO is an acronym that stands for
Deny,
Attack, and
Reverse
Victim and
Offender.
It describes a manipulative tactic often used by abusers to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto their victims. Do you recognise this behaviour in some of the above?
The common theme is POWER OVER and whilst the power imbalance exists between the genders there will not be gender justice or gender equality.
Coercive controlling behaviour is abusive, harmful, and violent, it has severe impacts on women and by implication on children.
We need to talk more about this, the above are only some examples, there are many more.